just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
