I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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