he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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