Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
