yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Plan B is the new Plan A
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
