Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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