on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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