i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I wish there were birth control emojis
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
