i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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