i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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