The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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