Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
