She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
