I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
