just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
