And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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