Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
