I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i think im in europe. pls send help
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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