then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
