You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
