We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
