Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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