ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Small penises have feelings too.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Drunk is not a location!
I wear drunk well.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
