i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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