That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
