I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
