Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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