the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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