ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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