this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
