I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
