He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
