I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
