I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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