What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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