I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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