College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
