You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
