They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
