dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
