Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
