He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm at about main and main street
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
