Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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