I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
