I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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