i wish my penis had a tongue
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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