Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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