apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
