he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
