HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We are two peas in an std pod
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm bleeding and have questions
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
