You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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