I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
