i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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