i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
