I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
