and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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